I had a delicious conversation with one of my dear friends and mentors Melanie Smith this week. You may know her from one of your favourite shows (like Seinfeld or Star Trek). She is beautiful, talented, wise and strong. I can’t wait to share the podcast episode with you over the next few weeks. I’m busy getting my new website and podcast up live as we speak.
Melanie and I spoke about the difference between courage, confidence, self-esteem, self-worth…oh my! At the end of the day, one of my favourite conversations is how we can all fill up our self-love and courage tank. On a personal level, I am not always super confident but I am committed. I think one of the reasons I ‘feel fear but do it anyway‘ is because I am not afraid to fail. I don’t get excited about failing but I’m not afraid of it. Over the past two years, I’ve had my share of ‘failures’….and I’m still standing strong! I can confirm that turning 40 really does make you stronger! In those failures, I’ve also had 2 babies, signed a global book deal, learned a ridiculous amount about the publishing industry, launched my blog and spoken on global stages. The inner side of these external wins has been a deeply intimate and emotional ride. At a very deep level, I clearly experienced the difference between creating wealth and chasing money. You’ll hear the details when Beautiful Money comes out next winter. I consciously passed on a few major money opportunities because they were disconnected from my heart and core values. What would you do if you were offered $100,000 today but it was out of alignment with who you are? I experienced this! I felt emotional in the moment but in the long run, I will always choose alignment over money. I would rather live in my little cottage, happy and aligned than have lots of money but be living out of sync with my heart and soul.
If you know me, you might think I’m super confident, but this isn’t always true. I question myself, I have moments when I feel like giving up, and I occasionally ball my eyes out with grief! The trick is to learn to get grounded, get back in your groove, and persist! If you have big dreams- you will be tested, you will feel like quitting and you will want to throw in the towel. Those beautiful individuals who have been inches away from totally throwing in the towel but didn’t-are my favourite people! This process of persisting is how stunning, strong and sustainable self-confidence is built!!! Every time you feel like throwing in the towel but you persist- you get stronger on the inside! I do believe there are times when letting go and throwing in the towel is the right thing (those activities that aren’t in alignment with your core values), but if you’re working towards pursuing your dream- don’t throw in the towel!
If I had to share a few of my personal favourite ‘tricks’ to building self-confidence, these would be my favs:
1) Strengthen your core– a strong core keeps you strong, tall and powerful. Honestly, strong abs will kick-up your confidence (you don’t need a 6-pack!).
2) Talk to yourself! Affirmations like ‘I am strong, confident and super hot’ will absolutely help you get in a great groove! If you’re new to affirmations, you might find them a little strange or uncomfortable at first. This is totally normal! With time, you will learn to love and appreciate the power of affirmations. Remember that before you go to bed is a perfect time to program your subconscious mind! As you go to bed and as you awake in the morning, affirm your very own power statement (out loud). There is no time like today to start programming your subconscious to work in the direction of your dreams. If you want to be a walking billboard of health, confidence and abundance, tell your subconscious you already are JUST THAT. Let your subconscious then work FOR YOU in making this a powerful reality!
3) Do something scary (something that puts you on the fringe of fear but doesn’t make you feel like totally barfing). People always ask me how to know how scary or lofty to make a goal. Building self-confidence requires you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. Confidence is strengthened with experiences and through being in action. If you have a deep desire to be the most confident (but graceful) personal you know, set a goal that scares you but doesn’t make you vomit. A good way to get started is to set a goal that deep in your gut you know you could achieve (but it will take your full attention, commitment and your greatest self showing up).
4) Have a confidant– Have someone you completely love and trust to talk to. There is nothing more healing than getting any feelings of vulnerability or fear out of your body by verbally expressing how you feel. Journalling is also a great tool for getting fearful feelings out of the body but I also love having someone you cherish to talk to.
5) Surround yourself with fabulous people– When you have AMAZING people around you, you cannot help but soar! I love surrounding myself with people who lift me up and challenge me to be at my best. Find a few people to surround yourself with who are doing the things you want to do but are scared to do. One of my mentors told me to find people who ‘play at what you work at’. This is something I love to do! Finding people who play at what I work at is a great way to be in the energy space of your greatest desires. When I am around someone who is already living my desired state, I feel their energy and vibration it will be like to actually live there. Maybe it’s time to get some new friends!
6) MOVE YOUR BODY– Movement is a fabulous way to move yourself into a state of confidence. Patricia Moreno has a fabulous program called INTENSATI that does just that! She incorporates movement, fitness, dance, affirmations and confidence building all in one program! How Hot is that! Her program would be a fabulous choice. You can also start saying power statements in your head as you workout, do yoga or go for your next run. Speak powerfully to yourself as you move (even if it is in your head).
7) Don’t be afraid to fail. Your greatest success will often come after a failure or two! The most powerful and visionary leaders have had the most failures. Embrace failure by looking at it differently. Failures are your perfect lifeclass moments. learn from them and move on gracefully! Live boldly and shine brightly- who cares if you fail- You’ll be in good company. I would rather put my heart and soul into something and fail than to never try anything GREAT.
8) Commit to Action– It’s really tough building confidence while sitting on the bench. Being in aligned action is how you will strengthen your self-confidence. That being said- it is important to make a plan and be strategic. I am not an advocate of being a busy-being-busy person. When you commit to action- don’t change your mind easily! Boldly move forward with attention and focus! When you hit a speed bump, take a moment or a day to have a little breakdown but ALWAYS get back up!
PS- Are you confident and ready for MASSIVE ACTION? My friend and mentor Selena Soo has a fabulous video on how you can IMPACT MILLIONS! I just watched it! You will learn some juicy secrets on creating global change!